I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
