so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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