Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
