Welp...herpes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
