she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
