so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
