is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
