if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
