I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
