Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
