"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
