When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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