she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
