I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
