I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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