My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
