There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
