you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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