I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
