why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
