I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
