I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
