Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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