Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
