My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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