when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
