as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All the doctor said was why
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
