I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
