i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
