I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
