Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
