hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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