peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
