i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
