OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
