i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
