The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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