the condom got lost in my hair
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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