When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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