she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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