he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
