can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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