I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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