So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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