I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
