Sry I called you an 8
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
