Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
