You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
