Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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