I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We have started to decorate penises.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
