I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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