dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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